When Alice and I got married in July 2010, we had the great privilege of setting up our first home together. When we went about doing this we had no real idea what we wanted. Well, that’s not completely true, I know I was excited about getting a new TV. But in terms of where things would go, we weren’t really sure what we were going for.

Now, after nearly two years of marriage, we’ve got a better idea of how we want our living room to be set out. We’ve realised that we want it to be set out in order to better welcome people into our home.

As our living space currently stands, we have 1 couch and an ottoman facing a TV and a dining table. So when people come over we generally sit in a line facing the TV with one person sitting on either a dining chair or an ottoman. Not the easiest way to carry a conversation.

Our reasoning behind this set up was mainly that the TV is on the same wall as the antenna plug, which saves a long and ugly cord.

However, we’ve come to decide that a long cord isn’t that big an inconvenience, and we would rather have an area where we can easily speak to friends and family that come over. So sometime in the near future we’re going to buy a second couch and set up our room to look more like this.

A lot of the dead space that was once in our living room will now be taken up and we’ll be able to have more people seated on comfy couches, which is always a good thing!

We believe that it’s important for our home to be welcoming to people when they come over, so that we can share with them and actually talk with them rather than just sit in front of a blank TV with them.

It’s taken us nearly 2 years to learn this important lesson about the set up of our living room, but we’re glad we’ve finally gotten there.

(NB: I used a free iPad app called Ballard Room Planner to make up these scale diagrams of our living room, definitely worth using if you’re looking to do something similar)

Recently I have felt convicted to really think about how we (Calum and I) practise and want to practise hospitality.  Two events have primarily lead to this conviction.  The first was a couple of weeks ago while with wonderful friends for dinner.  We hadn’t seen this couple for… an embarassingly long time, and yet, after a fantastically delicious three-course dinner they prepared, these two servant-hearted followers of Christ asked to pray for us.  It was a wonderful few minutes of sharing struggles, encouragements and prayer points and then committing all to God.  I was deeply touched by their interest and concern in us, and their eagerness to pray for us.  The second event was thinking about how we could help a brother in Christ in need next year.  This has especially prompted me to think back to a much earlier discussion about sharing all your resources so that another might experience the reality of God’s welcoming heart (that was back in this post).

It’s so easy to have friends and family over to spend time together, or catch up over a meal.  And I thoroughly enjoy doing this!  I just have to remind myself on occasion, that there is a difference between hospitality and entertaining.  Now there is nothing wrong with entertaining at all, but I want to keep actively think about how I can practise hospitality as well as entertain.

I found these questions (from Spiritual Disciplines Handbook by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun) to be very helpful in turning my focus back to what the Bible says about hospitality.  If you’re keen, I really encourage you to take a few minutes and think them over too.

1. When have you been so deeply received that the welcome touched your soul?

2. When have you been wounded because you were not welcomed and received?  How has the welcome of Jesus touched your life and your wounds?

3. How comfortable are you with being the host or hostess?

4. Who models hospitality and welcome for you?

5. How do you feel about having guests come to visit?  Where do you struggle with doing everything perfectly?

6. How might Jesus use your heart and home as a shelter for others?

Alice and I try to have people over quite regularly, but we haven’t had anyone over for a while. Now this isn’t because we don’t have anyone that we want to have over (we actually have a growing list of people we want to have over!), it’s simply because we haven’t invited anyone over.

In the busyness that has overcome us during times of heavy exams and assessments, we have not been as mindful of inviting people over to share our home with us and share a meal. Although it’s not a bad thing to have times where we invite people over less, we could probably have been more hospitable, just through starting the process by inviting people over.

Although we write a lot on this blog about the various aspects of having people over, like how music can be played and some great food ideas from Alice, none of it matters if we don’t actually have people over to our home. And while getting a really nice meal ready can be great, it’s not nearly as important as actually spending time with people and opening up our home.

In fact, I think it’s much better to invite people over first, and think about the details later. So if you don’t have time to make a nice meal, then why not grab some takeaway together?

Hospitality isn’t about loving others through sharing your home perfectly, it’s about loving others through sharing your home. So invite first, and worry about the rest later, as long as you can spend time together, that’s what it’s about.

Our culture today is dramatically different to how it was 50-60 years ago. In. The 50s, the family unit was much more valued and women tended to stay at home and not work (of course this was changing after WWII). Fast forward to today and we have a culture where it is not uncommon for both parents in a household to work full time (if not more!) and as a result of this, inviting people over for lunch or dinner has become less common.

Don’t get me wrong, I think that it is great and right that women have equal rights to men and are able to work as men are, but I think our culture has lost something in this transition.

When women were able to stay at home, they were able to get their homes ready to have people over, and instead of both parents being too tired, families were much better equipped to be hospitable.

Today we’re in a time where people are very busy, and often can be too busy to have people over and open their homes. They are unable to show hospitality not out of a lack of desire to be hospitable, but out of a lack of time.

So take me back to the 50s where sharing your home with people was much more common, or at least bring this element of the 50s back to now.

Update: Someone has contacted me and let me know that they were offended by this post. They also stated that they were sure that I did not intend to do this. I did not intend to offend anyone and I’ll clarify some things to ensure that no one is offended by what I have written.

Sorry if I offended anyone.

In the last post on music, I went over the different ways that you can play music when having people over, today I’m going to go over some of the different types of music that Alice and I play when we have people over.

Music taste is subjective, and by no means am I saying that what we listen to is the definitive list of music that should be played when you have people over. Rather I’m going to say what music we play and why, and I’d love to hear from you guys about what music you think is good to play when you have people over.

I think that music can effect the mood of the night, and what music you play decides this. If you play a certain type of music than that will give the feeling of a formal night, and another type of music may give the feeling of a more casual dinner. Another type of music may make people feel totally uncomfortable (eg. death metal if your guests aren’t huge metal heads).

Continue Reading…